First independence - before meaningful - inter-dependence

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We all need love and affection and according to statistics - women's greatest fear is poverty and loneliness.

Every young girl dreams that she would be good enough to be rescued by her knight upon a fiery steed, that he would tell her that she is beautiful - that he loves her and that she has an important role to fulfil in her life........

This is how we grow up in a culture where our self esteem is dependant upon someone else - to be our security - to love us - and that has to take care of us.

If your love and appreciation of yourself lies in the fact whether or not someone else loves and appreciates or accepts you - you have not learnt to love and accept yourself.

If we can develop our self esteem to the point where we can learn to hear and trust our inner voice or intuition, without the need to ask permision so that some one else must tell you your own truth - then we have grown spiritually.

If we can be secure in the guidance of the Spirit within, without fearing the future which is unknown to us - but known to God - we have found inner peace and the secret to a healthy self esteem and self love.

To really love someone is to allow that person and to assist him or her to grow spiritiually.

Love is not to posess someone. Love is not to be dependant on someone and love is not self sacraficial or needy.
One can only be able to give and love from a fullness of loving one self.
One can only love another in the measure of how much you love yourself, because love is as love does ......
from within a realization of a healthy self esteem.

I know that we need courage to confront life and courage is - controlled fear - to be able to face the future in faith.
And one can only please God through faith......

And God always makes a way if we trust in the Voice within. This is how we become independantly dependant upon God.

You have not been born for someone. You come into the world alone and you die alone - but there's no need to fear -

"We have not been given a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love power and of a sound mind" 2 Tim 1 verse 7

Fear sabotages our self esteem, and the world around us, and then we loose our self respect.
It is difficut to love someone who has lost their love for themself and their self respect.

And this is why I truly believe that the only bit of heaven on earth is found when two people support one another to grow spiritually through first indepandance before meaningful inter-dependance.
Then shared happiness really gives meaning to life......

Is it not true that the only true security in life lies in the fact that we should embrace and appreciate the unknown......


Baie mooi gestel Son.

Baie mooi gestel Son.

maybe , maybe not

I agree and disagree with you- with respect , love and an open mind.
Most people never get to independent , yet many relationships work?
Self esteem is always based on interpersonal feedback-certainly for starters?
Is it not the pain of savage abuse that forces us to find ourselves in Him alone , and never to risk dependance and reliance on human affirmation again?
I am a man , yet a lot of what you say rings true for my own life experience with women-one in particular-so is all this angst really only a woman thing?
I identify with your advice to be whole and independant , I grieve for those damaged by others, I never want to be hurt again...not that badly and deeply , but isnt life about risk and courage and the dream of a really great and intimate relationship?
Thank you for the honesty and integrity with which you address the pain that life throws at us...even though we think as Christians we should actually be dancing amongst the Namaqualand flowers in blissful joy all the time.